Jacob Gellar Touches and expands on a couple of my current core beliefs. The fact that we do live forever as a community consciousness, and how our desire to postpone individual death is one of the most narcistic disservices that we can do to ourselves and our world.

… Jacob doesn’t really come close to talking about that, but that is what I wanted him say in this exploration of individual identity through immortality.

I just took my first dose of the anti depression/anxiety medication Escitalopram (Es-sye-TAL-oh-pram, as the pamphlet says). I’m pretty sure the doctor prescribed something else… starting with a “c” I think… but this is the generic version of that.

Anyway, this is my first forray into medication deliberately for my mental health. I’ve talked before about having a big breakdown, nearly 10 years ago now, but upon looking at the definition of a nervours/mental breakdown, I’d say I’ve actually experienced them once or twice a year for the last 10+ years. I’ve been managing by having a generous sleep schedule, and taking generic multivitamins plus extra vitamin D. Sometimes 5HTP as well, but I find it only works for the first dose after a break. I’ve recently finished off a bottle but my anxiety has been extra high for a long time.

I think it was about 4 years ago I properly came to terms that I wasn’t suicidal anymore, and the vitamins help my energy levels which allows me to do more hobbies which helps my depression, but I’ve never gotten a handle on my actual anxiety issues. I can’t even pinpoint a reason for them. I get cold sores almost anytime I take a vacation with family, even when I lived with family and we were just going out of town to the cabin. I procrastinate against leaving my house, not because I have a fear of the outside or anything, but like, I just don’t like transitioning, even to a new location. Going to work, or to a friend’s house, I get knots in my stomach. That’s kind of my default anxiety tell: butterfly’s in the stomach. I’ve been low-level nautious for a good 3 weeks now, starting to get regular headaches, like I’m clenching my jaws too much. I’d say that’s a 6 out of 10 on the anxiety scale. Sick with a good chance of getting worse. My baseline these days is 4 out of 10. Uncomfortable and not knowing which way it’ll go. When I think I’m going to have a panic attack, I’d put my anxiety at a 9 out of 10. I hit that every wednesday usually. Wednesday is the first day of the work week for me, and we open with a staff meeting to review the week and make changes. I like to blame work for my anxiety. “If only I had more freetime.” Covid has actually been great for my mental health. I’m aware of the privledge in that statement. But I actually don’t work that much. Officially only like 25 hours a week. I do do pro-bono homework, but it’s optional and I can stop when I want, I swear. I decided a couple years ago that if I felt any other major depressive episodes coming on, I’d seek chemical help. And now with the new job it’s become apparent that I can’t operate like a normal human being, so I’m seeking help.

I think it’s been long enough since I took the first dose that I can record my reactions. I took it while I was making breakfast and I didn’t feel like I needed to take food with it, though a while after I was done my meal I did start to feel nautious, but having a drink seemso to have fixed that. I feel relaxed, but that’s because the pill has apparently made me tired. I’m surprised I’m maintaining focus on this post. I don’t feel like sleeping, but I don’t feel like moving either. A very druggy experience. I can’t tell if i’m properly de-anxious-ized, or just distracted. Feels alright, but I’ll have to take these in the evening rather than mornings. Now that I’ve acknowledged it, I’m definitley too tire dot come up with a smooth conclusion. So I guess I’ll report back in 3-4 weeks with how it’s going.

I love it when a design comes together, and quickly. Haitel’s Garage sent a message saying they wanted to rebrand their tow trucks. They gave me a concept, a little back and forth, then here we are next day with a finished logo.

Finally doing some mild binging of Lonerbox’s videos. His latest exploration of the benefits received by extremists when allowed freedom to platform, even when their ideas are bad, has been refreshing and I’m currently enjoying the rabbit hole through conservatives’s longstanding dependancey on willing untruthfulness, and how geography and environment downsized most African’s needs to adopt and advance technologies.

I’ve had my ginger bug on the counter for a month, maybe two. It stopped producing bubbles after a couple weeks, but it tastes fine so I kept it going in hopes it would bounce back. Well, it probably bounces now.

I pulled a very nice looking pellicle off of it today and… it’s tasty. Much softer and fruitier than the pellicle’s off my actual kombucha.

I’m pretty sure that this is cross contamination, but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of definite ginger bug information out there. Does kombucha bacteria like ginger? Maybe. This pellicle grew in, maybe, two weeks. It really took off when I put an airlock on the bottle. Does Kombucha thrive in a low oxygen environment? Does Ginger Bug? The answer may shock you. But I don’t know it.